Where did the concept of dating come from


26-May-2016 20:27

We all make mistakes, particularly in our love-lives, as relationships are never easy.But if you can exercise forgiveness in small ways at the start of a love affair then you’re more likely to find ways to forgive the bigger hurts and transgressions, if and when they happen. There are good rows and bad rows but make no mistake – everybody argues.Appreciate what life still has to offer while you can.The great wonder of middle age is that we know our time is now limited.Go to a place where you used to laugh or where there’s a good chance of laughter.That moment when you exchange a look and end up laughing, often over a shared memory, is the best way to understand each other again.It’s natural that attention shifts to the children, but it’s a good idea to remember why you are together, and have a child together, in the first place.

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But if you can both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you and why, you are more likely to understand each other better.We may carry the hurt from past relationships, so we protect ourselves by trying to appear in control.Yet no relationship was ever deepened by lovers’ attempts to assert themselves over each other – rather, it is through the mutual exploration of their imperfections, fears and anxieties that true connection occurs. Change the metaphor that you associate with developing your relationship. “Work” feels heavy and makes us think of future struggles, whereas “playfulness” engages the things you associate with good times, childhood comforts and moments of spontaneity.It can feel easier to avoid being honest if we feel that could be hurtful, but it is only with honesty that trust is built, and trust is the essence of a good relationship. There are different qualities to sex at different stages in a long relationship: first, passion; the urgency of reproductive sex; snatched sex in the early years of parenthood; then the slower intimacy of midlife onwards.

But our culture presents only one type as being valid: youthful, vigorous, usually penetrative.

You will come back to the relationship refreshed, more able to express your needs (as you’re more likely to know what they are).